I am not a good decision maker. It takes me forever to make the simplest decisions. Even with food most times. Don’t ask me where I want to eat because unless I definitely have a place in mind I will take forever. Especially if it’s for anyone besides me. So like if I want to eat somewhere other than where the family wants to eat I will just eat where they want to eat rather than suggest where I really want to eat. I don’t want people to not like my choice so I make sure that my choice is what everyone wants I seek their approval.
Even when I don’t think I am seeking approval I am. The other day I was sick with a cold. So I was trying to decided whether or not I wanted to ride my bike to the store to get medicine or wait. So The Husband text me asking what I was doing and I was like debating on whether or not I was going to the store. I realized that in that moment I was waiting to see if he thought it was a good idea that I go to the store or not. So I decided in that moment that enough was enough. I told him I was going to go ahead and go to the store. I have a friend who points out to me whenever it sounds like I am seeking her approval on an idea that I have. She will just say “Girl! Do you. Stop waiting to see if I approve.” In that moment I will realize that I am actually waiting for her to acknowledge my idea.
I have been wondering for the longest why do I seek the approval of others. I realized that it is because I don’t trust myself. I always doubt myself. So I think that I lean on others to help me out. But going with the ideas of others doesn’t satisfy me it just lets me avoid making decisions on my own. Then when it winds down to it I am still in the same place that I started. I need to get comfortable with my own decisions and stop doubting myself. The only way I can fail at anything is if I don’t try. So I am going to trust myself a little more and go out on a limb and try my own ideas. I have to trust that my ideas are good ones. As long as I approve of my ideas nothing else should matter.