The other day I started a post where I was saying that I felt like in my personal relationships there are not many adjustments made for me in my personal relationships. I felt like I was the main one adjusting for everyone. But as I wrote it just began not to feel right. So I stopped writing.
The next day I decided to read my posts to my husband. I figured what was wrong was I never really told him how I was feeling. I’m trying to do better in expressing my feelings. So when I finished I decided to clarify what I was saying. I explained that I felt like sometimes I would adjust to things that he wanted. Like if he wants something I will try my best to help him figure out how to get it. However when I want something sometimes that doesn’t happened. So after explaining he explained that he kind of felt the same way in other areas of our life.
So I wound up learning that we both need to learn to adjust better as a couple to meet each other’s needs. It helped the way I was feeling to realize that we both are feeling the same way. It didn’t exactly make my feelings go away. But it did make me realize that sometimes one person will adjust more than the other.
I also realized that sometimes I don’t get the adjustment I want because I don’t really like to argue. So sometimes I have to continue to fight for what I want. I mean it’s okay to give in but it’s also okay to push. I also realize I need to communicate and try to make clear what I want. I feel like I’m adjusting more because I’m not voicing my wants and needs. I also don’t fight for it. So I have to fight to be heard.
I think I will feel better the more I find my voice. I just really don’t want to be a bother and then I also have to learn to accept the no. There are going to be always be moments where I feel I’m giving more and I’m sure he’s going to have moments where he will feel like he is giving more. So we are going to have to figure it out together. But as far as me I’m going to have to address this with a professional. Cause I want to understand it. This whole journey is scary but I am ready for it.