Today was a pretty good day today. I still am trying to figure out my school routes. One thing I did realize today is that I still struggle with allowing myself to be taken care of. I’m so used to taking care of everyone else that I make it difficult for anyone to take care of me. When it comes to me I find myself just doing everything myself . I guess it just seems easier that way. Plus sometimes I tend to be impatient and want things to be done in my own time frame. So even if I do ask someone to do something for me if they don’t do it in what I deem quick enough I will do it myself.
I do realize that it’s something that I need to work on. I’m actually talking to my therapist about this. I do know that it has to do with my level of trust in people. Like maybe I have been let down a number of times in my life that I just feel it’s easier to do things myself. It also could be I feel guilty asking people to do things for ,e like maybe I don’t deserve it. It could be both. But now I’m realizing that people want to do things for me and I need to let them. The Husband gets super frustrated with me sometimes cause he wants to do something for me and I just won’t ask him to do it. I didn’t understand it at first but I get it now. He wants to take care of me as much as I take care of him. I can see it being irritating to want to help someone who just won’t allow you to do it.
Today I came home from work and I went back and forth with myself because I really wanted something to eat but I was so tired. I just finally relented and asked The Husband to go get it. I really appreciated him doing it. I keep thinking I should totally do that more often. That one moment I really appreciated. I can’t promise I will do it more often but I feel like I am getting more comfortable with it as the days go on.