As my husband and I work to redefine our marriage I am becoming aware that I have dropped the ball in so many areas that it isn’t even funny. The Husband has literally been carrying our relationship for so long. Not that I don’t contribute to it but there are some things that I need to improve on. I am not ashamed to admit at all. I was a horrible wife for years. Some things I realized, some things I ignored, and others I was just blind to it. One of the main reasons was The Husband got so tired of asking me for what he needed that he just stopped asking.
I forgot to continue to date and woo my husband like I did when we were dating. This does not mean that I have lost touch with my fun side. I am still the woman who happened to have some of the best bachelorette party ideas for her own wedding. So, readers, do not think that I am no more have those genes in me! I have! It is just that I somehow forgot that men want you to pull out the stops for them too. They like to be surprised and treated specially.
I completely forgot this. I thought that simply taking care of the family, doing housework, and working should be enough. I even had the audacity to sometimes act like he should be doing all the work and that I am the wife and only he should be doing the work. I would accept the gifts he bought me and give him nothing in return. I thought sex would be enough. Oh man, I’m going, to be honest, even that wasn’t really up to par. Again I dropped the ball in so many areas. I would hear what I was told by my spouse tell him I would improve and things would just remain the same.
The turning point came when one day when we were dealing with another difficult situation where we actually sat down and I heard him out. He let me know his frustration with planning outings, me not being affectionate, not receiving gifts, or even just making him feel special. By the time he fully explained to me how he felt, I felt horrible. I wonder where we had gone wrong in our marriage and when did we stop sharing things like this. Perhaps, I may soon have to invest in some healing crystals to bring back prosperity and calmness in our marriage (you can Click here, if interested). However, I also understand that is a two-way process and we both have to put in effort together. Of course, I had excuses for why things had gotten to the point that they had. Some were valid and some weren’t. The valid excuse was when we weren’t getting along I didn’t feel the need to be sexy in any way shape or form. Not so good well I didn’t buy you a gift because ten years ago I bought you a gift and you said you didn’t like it. But in the end, no matter what the excuse was I needed to improve. I had to admit that I really sucked at the moment.
So since that conversation a few weeks ago I have been trying to make a conscious effort to improve my part of our marriage. I am trying to be more affectionate, plan outings, buy him some personalized anniversary gifts, and be more mindful of just how I am treating him. Now I still don’t always get it right but I am better than I was. I welcome him to bring things to my attention. I don’t always know exactly when I am slacking off. I also have to learn to listen differently so I am not always on the defense. I have to stop always seeing what he is saying as an attack. Then I am also practicing acknowledging what he is saying. If I am wrong I am wrong and I have to acknowledge it.
Since the change I have to say that I feel good about the direction that our relationship is moving. I feel like since The Husband was able to express his feelings and I took it seriously that we are a little closer. I hope that we can continue to just improve.
johnny Wishbonn says
Instead of just trying to make your point, take a step back and listen to what your partner has to say. As you communicate with your spouse, listen to the words they use, pay attention to their tone and pitch of voice and watch their expressions and body language