As my husband and I work to redefine our marriage I am becoming aware that I have dropped the ball in so many areas that it isn’t even funny. The Husband has literally been carrying our relationship for so long. Not that I don’t contribute to it but there are some things that I need to improve on. I am not ashamed to admit at all. I was a horrible wife for years. Some things I realized, some things I ignored, and others I was just blind to it. One of the main reasons was The Husband got so tired of asking me for what he needed that he just stopped asking.
I forgot to continue to date and woo my husband like I did when we were dating. Men want you to pull out the stops for them too. They like to be surprised and treated special to. I forgot this. I thought that simply taking care of the family, doing housework, and working should be enough. I even had the audacity to sometimes act like he should be doing all the work and that I am the wife and only he should be doing the work. I would accept the gifts he bought me and give him nothing in return. I thought sex would be enough. Oh man I’m going to be honest even that wasn’t really up to par. Again I dropped the ball in so many areas. I would hear what I was told by my spouse tell him I would improve and things would just remain the same.
The turning point came when one day when we were dealing with another difficult situation where we actually sat down and I heard him out. He let me know his frustration with planning outings, me not being affectionate, not receiving gifts, or even just making him feel special. By the time he fully explained to me how he felt I felt horrible. Of course I had excuses for why things had gotten to the point that they had. Some were valid and some weren’t. Valid excuse was when we weren’t getting along I didn’t feel the need to be sexy in anyway shape or form. Not so good well I didn’t buy you a gift because ten years ago I bought you a gift and you said you didn’t like it. But in the end no matter what the excuse was I needed to improve. I had to admit that I really sucked at the moment.
So since that conversation a few weeks ago I have been trying to make a conscious effort to improve my part of our marriage. I am trying to be more affectionate, plan outings, buy him gifts, and be more mindful of just how I am treating him. Now I still don’t always get it right but I am better than I was. I welcome him to bring things to my attention. I don’t always know exactly when I am slacking off. I also have to learn to listen differently so I am not always on the defense. I have to stop always seeing what he is saying as an attack. Then I am also practicing acknowledging what he is saying. If I am wrong I am wrong and I have to acknowledge it.
Since the change I have to say that I feel good about the direction that our relationship is moving. I feel like since The Husband was able to express his feelings and I took it seriously that we are a little closer. I hope that we can continue to just improve.