Every day I struggle with doing things. From a blog post to making decisions. It takes me forever to make a decision. I worry about everything. From am I wearing the right clothes to what I am going to eat. Well deciding what to eat is easier than wearing clothes. I literally spend hours wondering if I am making the right decision. If I go to an event I guarantee that whatever I am wearing it took me awhile to decide to wear it or I just got fed up with searching and wore the last thing or first thing I put on. I think that is why it is so easy for me to make everyone happy over me.
I have a friend who I bounce blog ideas off of and just ideas in general. She told me one day Katherine you seek a validation in just about everything you do. It’s like you don’t want to make a decision unless some one tells you it’s the right one. Until she said it I never realized how much I did wanted people close to me to say Katherine you are doing the right thing. I of course denied it but later I had to admit it.
Now I am working on just make my own decisions and doing what is right for me. I don’t exactly know where needing validation came from. I think it started when I got picked on at school and started liking boys. It can be a real headache trying to get everything just right. Then when people are constantly negative towards you it can hurt your self-esteem. So for years now I’ve been working on getting out of it. I have to do what’s okay for me and what makes me happy. But that is a struggle as well since I am used to putting everyone else before me. I was just comfortable with doing that.
Walking around with this issue is so time consuming and is really annoying. Every time I think I have gotten over it I fall right back into my old habits. My husband has pointed it out to me as well. I try to get his validation on just about everything. Which as husband and wife I am kind of suppose to talk to him but I go beyond sometimes. He has literally on occasion had to tell me to do what I feel is best or do what I want to do.
In 2017 I just want to learn to trust myself more. Leave all my doubts and anxiety behind. I know it will take work and throwing myself in the deep end of the pool to do it but I am ready. I am fed up with dealing with these issues. I just want to move forward and succeed in whatever I want.