“You have lost so much weight.” I’ve been hearing this so much lately. I had no idea that people could see how stressed I was. For the past few years things have been tight with my husband being the only one working. It took me years to find employment until recently. Since things were so difficult I figured the best thing that I could do is be the best mother and wife I could be. I didn’t know that when that when I made that decision I was going to let myself go as much as I did.Who I am now is no where near who I was a few years ago. I look back at pictures of me a few years ago or even a few months ago and I can see a huge difference between then and now. I think it was worse as far back as 8 years ago. I would rarely buy anything. My husband would have to convince me to buy something for me. I would just grab something. I wouldn’t put any real effort into it. The result would be me wearing these baggy shapeless clothes or clothes that I had for years that were too small or just old. We aren’t even going to talk about my hair. I’m not going to lie at one point I just didn’t care. My main focus was taking care of my family.
I never really thought about how much I had let myself go. Well that is until I realized others noticed. Of course people notice. If you are putting it out on display people are going to notice way before you do. Add to my not being happy with my body so I just thought I would hide it. Well I didn’t hide it as well as I thought I was doing. It’s like the more you try to hide it the more people notice.
Once I started taking better care of myself they noticed that too. However I didn’t notice how far I’ve come until I started looking back at pictures. The difference is absolutely shocking. I had no idea how much I had let myself go until I saw a picture I took about 10 years ago. It was crazy. I was looking at the picture like who the heck is this woman. Wearing these extremely large clothes and looking like she could care less. In actuality she just wasn’t happy with herself. When I realized that I didn’t have to forget about me I became much happier. I started to do things that made me happy and just taking time to focus on me when I can. I didn’t have to just focus on my husband and kids. I can make me happy too. In all honesty focusing on them took my mind off what I couldn’t do for myself. I really wanted to find a job. Not finding it made me depressed. Cause I wanted to help out financially. As a result I suffered. Which was no one’s fault but my own. When I finally decided enough was enough and started taking care of myself everything in my life got better. I found another purpose for myself through writing. So basically my blog saved me. Well writing saved me.
Now I am who I am now. I am happier and more positive. I never want to go back to the woman I used to be. I will thank her for making me a better person though.