I have this bad habit of when people show that they don’t approve of something that I am doing I immediately just stop it. It doesn’t matter if what I’m doing makes me happy. If it bothers someone close to me I stop it. Actually let me stop lying even if it isn’t someone close to me I stop it. I guess I do this because I care what people think. I don’t want to be judged so I do whatever is necessary not to be. I don’t want to be the center of attention. So once I see I get anything but positive praise I immediately shrink inside of myself. I allow them to take that thing I enjoy away from me.
I’ve been fighting not doing that this year. I’m learning to be okay with people not liking me or everything I do. Sure I still have to give myself a pep talk every once in a while cause sometimes my urge to shrink is almost stronger than my urge to be happy. This is even harder with sharing things on social media. I have taken down posts because of negative comments or someone didn’t like it. I was having this urge yesterday after I found out a family never saw a TikTok that I posted. Her response to it was more out of concern than anything because I’m weeks from dealing with medical issues but at the same time I still wanted to take it down because it made her unhappy. I understood the concern but at the time I posted it I just wanted to do something fun. Those few moments doing that video made me happy. I wound up not doing it but I really had to convince myself not to do it. I’ve had people tell me I should stay off of TikTok. I’m sure they are joking but it still kind of hurts to hear.
I came to the conclusion that everyone isn’t going to be happy with what I do with my life. I don’t have to shrink myself because of their opinion. It’s just that their opinion. If I stop the things that make me happy because they don’t like it then I’m giving them power that they shouldn’t have. Especially after what I experienced in the past few months. I have every right to do what makes me happy with my life. There are so many things I want to do while I’m still on this earth. Spending it worrying about others isn’t going to help.
I’ve decided instead of shrinking and giving those who have negative things to say power I will grow. I’m going to try things. If they work then they work. If they don’t then they don’t. I have struggled with just being myself for so long that I just need to do it. Those who are meant to support this journey will be there and those who aren’t won’t be. I refuse to shrink when it comes to things that I enjoy. I refuse to shrink because if what people may think of me. I refuse to let others make me feel small because I don’t meet their standards. I’m no longer shrinking. I’m going to do whatever I decide to do with confidence and courage. I’m not going to hide within myself because of judgement. I won’t back off because someone disapproves of something I want to do. I am going to live my life on my terms and to the fullest.