The other day I was journaling when I realized something about myself. I constantly think negative about myself. I am always trying to find something wrong with myself to explain why I didn’t get something or things don’t go my way.
This little epiphany came when I was writing about being left behind at work while everyone else went to another location. I immediately tried to figure out why I wasn’t able to go with everyone else. I wanted to go with everyone else and I wanted to be included. So because I wasn’t going with everyone else I immediately came to the conclusion that it was because there was something wrong with me. Maybe I wasn’t good enough to go with everyone else. Maybe I had done something wrong. I mean I really started freaking out in my head why I wasn’t chosen to go. It was pretty crazy.
Then I started to think of all the reasons why they needed me to stay behind. Just to name a few there were still more kids coming, they knew I knew how to do everything that is required to check everyone in, and I am really great at what I do. Once I stopped thinking of all the negative reasons why I was left behind I started to calm down.
Sometimes things are only negative because we make it that way for ourselves. Simply because we didn’t get what we felt we deserved we feel there is a negative reason for it. When I’m actually we are being prepared for something better. Also our talents could be needed else where besides where we think they are needed.
This is not to say that sometimes things are exactly what they seem. But sometimes we don’t know until we follow the path. In my situation the situation was only negative because I wanted to be with the other people. I always want to be apart of everything even when I don’t need to be. I’ve been in some situations where being part of the crowd got me less than desirable results.
I’m starting to realize that sometimes it’s okay to no be included in everything. It might be even better for me not to be included. That way I can be recognized for other things. But I’m also glad I acknowledge the moments when I want to be because I know it’s okay to feel that way. But also not being included isn’t a bad thing at all.