Yesterday I wrote about how I was tired of being a doormat. If you missed that post you can read here. For some reason I have a hard time confronting people when I feel I have been wronged. Only person I feel comfortable confronting is my husband. Even with him I have a few issues because I wait until I am about to explode to let him know that something is bothering me and that usually leads to me confronting him in a disrespectful manner which then leads to a huge argument that resolves nothing. So I decided to do some research and see what I can learn about how to confront people in a peaceful and respectful way. Basically my skills could really use some work. I have to tell you I found some great information. Most say the same thing. But it definitely helps. I thought that I would share what I learned. I think it will be really helpful to me and can’t wait to actually put them to use. Well actually I can wait and I hope I don’t have to put them to use anytime soon cause like I said I hate confrontation.
These are the tips that I found helpful and plan to use the next time I need to confront someone:
1. Make sure you are calm and are ready to receive what the person is going to say once you present your problem. It may not be I’m sorry and you may not even get a response.
2. Approach the person respectfully. You never want to approach a person in a disrespectful manner. Your goal is to resolve a problem not to make the problem worse.
3.Using words like always, every time, and never can cause a problem to be exaggerated. Yes I am a total fail on this. I use these words more often than I should.
4. Deal with the situation you are dealing with now. Don’t bring up any past indiscretions. I am the queen of bringing up past issues. I don’t know why I do it but I just do. It gets me no where.
5. Pick a time to confront the person when you are both have time and are willing to listen. I try to do this.
6. Before going into the confrontation decide whether or not if confronting the person will get the results you are looking for.
7. If the confrontation is about to escalate then walk away and then come back to it another time. This right here is the biggest problem I have when I confront my husband. I want answers now and don’t want to leave until I get them.
8. Do not try to predict the way a confrontation should end because it may not end the way you expect it to.
9. Consider a person’s and your triggers. I have to admit I do know how to press buttons. When I do I often get a reaction besides the one I actually want. People often hit below the belt to hurt the person that hurt them.
10. Don’t enter into a confrontation with an I’m right you’re wrong attitude.
These are the things I hope to do next time I have to confront someone. I’m hoping that this will help guide me. I mean after reading these helpful tips I think that I can confront someone and not turn it into World War III. I hope this helps you as well.