I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life at 17. The Husband and I dated for 8 months before we decided we couldn’t be without each other and decided to make it official. I was 18 at the time. Then 4 months later we found out we were expecting Princess S and then 11 months after her birth we found out we were expecting Private J. I am a extremely happy wife and mommy. I love my life as it is now.
However I think with skipping the time some women take to just be them and enjoy finding out who they are I kind of cheated my family and myself out of a better mom and wife. Instead they have this person who is doing double duty. I am being mom and wife while at the same time still trying to discover who I am. Okay I know who I am but at the same time still identifying myself. I am just now getting to the point where I realize that it is okay to have things that I like outside of my husband and kids. I have my little hobbies of reading and watching other Tv shows but I mean like going out and doing things separate from my family. For example when I went to church the Sunday before last I felt so weird and kind of like I was doing something wrong. I just felt I should have been with my family. However I had been talking about going to church for years and hadn’t done it. The Husband is not one to go to church and it was something I desired to so after talking about it for so long I just decided to take the bull by the horns and do it. I realized while sitting in church that I would always not do something for fear of upsetting The Husband and he was always the one encouraging me to do things on my own. Then when I didn’t do it I would always use him as an excuse along with many other excuses. But I have realized that in going from living with my parents to becoming a married woman and then a mom I never had the chance to really just do what I wanted to do. I always set myself to the side. In doing so I have become kind of a bitter person because I set myself into thinking that I had to do everything besides working with my family or I had to do it with someone. I am notorious for saying that I want to go see a movie but I don’t want to see it by myself. Then of course I would be disappointed if I wound up never seeing the movie. I am just finding out that me not doing these things turns me into someone that I don’t like. I’ve been doing it so long that it comes like breathing to me. Now that I am doing it more often I am finding that I am becoming a different person. I find when I do more things for myself and come home I am relaxed and can look forward to the next time that I do it.
I am realizing that if I become a little more independent that then I will become both a better mom and wife. That there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing things on my own and no reason to feel guilty about it as I had been feeling before. Plus it gives my husband and kids time to bond together. I am usually around but I love to give them that time together. I am still working on being okay with it without guilt but I feel I will get there. I have just always been around people and did things with someone. This is another way that I am learning to step outside of my comfort zone.