I never thought of myself as a person who has anxiety. Matter fact I never would’ve labeled myself as a person with anxiety. I noticed that in certain situations my mind just goes crazy. I don’t know why. I just totally get anxiety over what seems like simple things. At first I didn’t know what was causing my issues. I honestly really don’t know when it started.
The main time I have a problem with anxiety is when I have to make decisions. There is so much to consider in many of my decisions or maybe that’s because of the way I make it seem. It’s not little decisions like what to cook for dinner. I can do that with my eyes closed. But things like buying things for myself, whether or not to work extra hours, whether to suggest things to do, whether to go do things by myself, and so many other things involving me just cause me absolute anxiety. Because as soon as I think about these things I am basically riddled with guilt. I start wondering if my family is going to be upset with me. Will they feel like I don’t want to be around them. Just simple basic decisions drive me crazy. Because I really want to make me and everyone else happy. Cause for some reason if my family isn’t okay then I’m not either. I mean it’s okay for me to want them to be happy but I have a problem with them not being happy with me doing things. Just the thought of them not being happy with my decisions drives me crazy. I am still working on convincing myself it’s okay to do things that make me happy as well as focus on my dreams. I just feel guilty.
I actually think my guilt mainly causes my anxiety more than anything. I keep thinking if I make the wrong decision it can really cause major problems. I worry about everything and it is really annoying for me and I am sure it’s annoying for my family. Especially my husband since I leave decision making up to him the most. But when I have made decisions in the past sometimes they didn’t end up to well. It kind of makes me not want to not try anything else.
I am also a natural worrier. So if I am having any minor problems or any problems at all I worry about it constantly. Especially if I don’t know if it’s going to workout. I get even more anxiety. Did I mention it doesn’t even have to be my problem at all? I am always trying to help those closest to me. I don’t really know how to sit back and let people come to me for help. As soon as one of my kids tell me they have a problem I am full speed ahead trying to figure it out and if we don’t I feel like I am the failure.Even their problems cause me anxiety because I worry if they are going to figure it out. What will I do if they need more help. Should I let them handle it or step in.
I also have problems where if I lay down to go to sleep at night if I think of a problem I’m having I will have trouble going to sleep. Cause once I think about the problem I either start thinking about solutions to the problem, how I should have handled the problem, or other problems. Then I’m up all night until I figure out a way to
This is what happens to me when I just let my mind flow. My mind just keeps going and going. I really am trying to figure out ways to bring my anxiety down. I’ve found a few techniques that work. I’m going to keep using them.