I like everyone in the world have expectations. I think the one thing that makes me different than most people are I expect everyone to meet those expectations and am really hurt when people don’t meet them. I form I guess what I think should happen in my head. That’s exactly how I expect it to go. Funny thing is most people don’t even know what my expectations are for. For example. I will meet someone new. In my head I have already formed what my expectations of that meeting should be. I’m like we will be friends and hang out. My friend will call me and we will hang out. Then when it doesn’t happen I get upset and immediately back away or admit failure. Because of course they didn’t do what I expected them to do. I’ll admit my expectations are super high in just about every situation. So high in fact that they are almost guaranteed to not be met. Heck even I can’t meet them. Because my expectations are so high it makes it pretty easy for people to fail. I think my expectations are that way to protect myself. Cause I feel if they don’t meet them I can weed out the people who don’t have my best interest at heart quickly. Right now I am having this struggle on whether I want to reach out to family or not. I am a family person at heart. I grew up with family and I want to have that connection again. I have this expectation that as soon as I reach to a family that there will be an immediate connection and just like that we will be cool and hang out. But I know there is a possibility that, that won’t happen. So I have to deal with all the possibilities that can happen and get past my expectations. Cause in my head I have this perfect ending that may not happen.
I am learning that my expectations are my way of protecting myself from being hurt. But they are also hindering me from living my life as well. So my true expectation is really that I expect people to fail me because people have failed me before. Also I expect me to fail them because I have had friendships that have failed. I am very protective of me now since I have been hurt in the past. So I guess I should be willing to meet my own expectations before I expect others to meet them. I am working on lowering my expectations but not too much. But I am also raising the expectations I have for myself. I am okay with expecting to enjoy the moments where I meet new people or reconnect with family. I expect to enjoy life. I expect to be me. I expect to have fun.