I have been debating on whether or not to write a posts such as this for months now. I have actually started several posts and then deleted them because I was afraid of the message I would send about my marriage. However I am secure in my marriage and do not regret marrying the man that I love one little bit. I just wonder sometimes would I be different if I had waited a few years before I got married. Would it have made our relationship better?
I was a young bride. I got married at the age of 18 a month before I graduated from high school. I knew that my husband was the man that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. So I figured why wait. I have never regretted my decision. I feel that we have a great relationship and love each other. However I wondered if it could be better. Would I be a better wife and mother? Would I be as lost as I feel sometimes? If I had taken time to experience a little more independence. My parents were pretty protective of me. I also didn’t have a desire to do things that some other teenagers decided to do. Like I have never been into clubbing or experimenting with drugs or drinking. However I also didn’t experience a time where I was just free and didn’t have to worry about anyone else but me or make decisions that will only affect me and have to deal with them on my own. I basically didn’t have that time where I felt it was okay to put me first. I went from my parents cocoon to being with the man that I love and into his protective arms. In fact the first thing my husband and I did when after we got married besides go to work (ha ha ha!! we didn’t have a honeymoon) is that we went to Waffle House in the middle of the night. We had just gotten off work and it was the first time I didn’t have to go straight home. I actually had a choice as to what I wanted to do after work with my time and I said lets go to Waffle House. That moment was so very freeing to me. I laughed and giggled the whole way. I mean if my smile got any brighter it would’ve lit up the street. I still remember that moment to this day. I made a decision and didn’t have to call my mom or dad to confirm if it was okay or not. I have been a wife for 14 years and a mom for 13. I am still trying to get in my mind that it is okay to put myself first sometimes and that when I do it benefits not only me but my family. Those moments when I take time for myself relieves a lot of stress and helps me relax. I think that my husband is who he is because he had that time. He was able to define who he was. I am learning from him and my family that defining yourself is important. I think that me not doing that is where a lot of my issues come from with doing things by myself. I always like to be around like to be around my family. However I don’t want to rub off on my children. I want them to experience life and not feel that they are only safe with their parents. They need to build up the confidence to do things on their own. To make confident decisions. Do people who take that time to experience life feel more fulfilled when they meet the one meant for them?
My mom was married at the same age as me but she has managed to find a perfect balance. That is why she my idol. She told me that it took a while for her to find it as well. I tell you the woman is awesome. She has done things that people didn’t expect her to. When I speak to my mom I tell her I am amazed at the things she has done. She told me that in marriage you shouldn’t let being a mom and wife be your only identity. She told me how she always strived for greatness and I think she has accomplished it.
One of my goals now is to work on that. I have a long list of goals and I now think I am making a break through on accomplishing some of them. If I could rewind time and make the decision to marry so young again I wouldn’t change my decision. I would however work on my independence sooner. I believe you can be married and independent. I just feel I waited too long to work on it. My mom is an example of it.
Were you satisfied with the age you got married?