One of the things that I am aiming on working on this summer with my kids. I noticed the last time they were home that I did a great deal of fussing, complaining, and judging. I mean it was a lot. I didn’t even realize how much I did it until I actually paid attention to myself. I sounded absolutely horrible. Then I noticed whenever I called my children they had this look of “Okay, what did I do now?”. I know that look I’ve had it a few times myself. It says you are only tolerating the person because they hold a title that deserves respect.
My biggest fear is if I keep doing things the way that I am doing them my kids will eventually will either hardly visit or not visit at all. I don’t want them to just come and visit my home because they feel obligated to. I want them to enjoy being around me. I don’t want to have a strained relationship with them at all. Although they will be my kids forever I have to admit that I wasn’t treating them with the respect that I would want as an adult. I know for a fact that if I was being yelled at constantly I wouldn’t want to be around that person.
So I decided this summer I would try my best not to do any of those things. Not constantly yell and complain. If I have a problem I’m going to try to talk to them with respect instead of yelling. I also am not going to nitpick at everything that annoys me. I have a habit of doing that as well. I just want to be different. I’m also am going to try my best to not continuously judge their choices. Cause I want them to continue to share with me. I know for a fact this is going to be the hardest thing for me to do. Cause I just never want to see them fail but if I don’t them try they will never win. Plus if they don’t feel supported they won’t want to talk to me at all.
So in order to do this I reached out to my therapist and asked her for a little advice. I wanted to know what was the best way to approach the situation so that we don’t have a repeat of every summer ever. She suggested that I have a family meeting where The Husband and I clearly state what we expect of the kids while they are home. The goal is for us all to function as a house full of adults and it not be a parents fussing at the kids type situation. So that’s what we did. I told them everything that was expected of them like cleaning up after themselves, trying to find a job while they are home, not eating all the food in the house, coming home at a decent time, keeping in touch, and a few other things. But I have to admit it really did help me mentally. Cause before they got home I was really freaking out as to how I was going to handle the situation because each of my kids have something that they do that annoys me when they get home. I no longer want to consume myself with those things.
For me mentally I just can’t allow myself to be consumed with the things that could happen and the things that I know are going to happen. Besides some of the things I worry about are things they themselves have to figure out. I also can’t dictate how they choose to do the things I ask them to do. If I ask them to do something I have to respect the way they do it. So like if I ask them to fix dinner I can’t get upset with what they decide to cook unless it isn’t cooked properly. I can make them feel supported and be a person they come to for advice. But I just know this summer I would like to just enjoy my kids and not worry about everything that is going right or wrong and arguing. My goal is to make this summer a great one. I want to create memories not nightmares or distance.
Olivia Rose says
hey Katherine I really enjoyed your post! I like your parenting equation with your kids. 100% right in saying that “Create memories not nightmares”
Keep up the good work!
Olivia Rose recently posted…Fever in Infants and Children
Debra G. Dimarco says
La La Land Mommy really enjoyed your post! great tips and other things on her mind.
Thank you so much for stopping by
Debra G. Dimarco says
La La Land Mommy really enjoyed your post! great tips . thanks
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