My daughter Nishe’ and I have always been pretty close. I mean we have bumped heads on many occasions but nothing major. When she was younger she was pretty much connected to my hip. We are both stubborn individuals and can be very strong will at times. As she gets older our relationship has had to change. I have had to walk away or accept her decisions. Which definitely isn’t an easy thing to do by no means. The last thing you want to do is see your child fall but they have to fall to become who they are going to be.
As these changes have had to happen I’ve been a little worried about our relationship as of late. We have been disagreeing way more than usual. It’s either that or we tend to get on each other’s nerves more often. I get that she is an adult and wants to do things her way however in our home we have rules. Things like we take turns cooking on a specific day. More often than not she has not planned well or just not cooked and of course I have to say something to her. As her mother I can’t let things slide. Well certain things I can but as part of this household we all have to do what is necessary to make it work. That includes making sure we all carry out our jobs and communicating when we can’t.
I am sure it’s annoying to her for me to have to say anything to her and she is an adult. I know cause I hate it but as adults we still have to be told things and learn things. I try to make sure that when I speak to her about anything that she doesn’t feel like I’m treating her like a small child. Cause I have felt like that many times when people speak to me. You just feel like that as soon as you’re an adult that no one should treat you like a child anymore. But as my parents once told me if you act like a child you will be treated as such. I used to hate that saying because I never felt like I was acting like a child. Then when you actually look at yourself sometimes you are.
I feel like she is currently in the adult stage where she feels like nothing should be said to her and she should be able to do whatever she wants. But that is a little hard to do when you are still under your parents’ roof. The only way you will ever be able to just do what you want is when you are completely on your own. I feel like she thinks she is ready to be completely independent but I think she has some growing to do. Heck I am still growing.
My problem is I need to step back more than I have. I keep wanting to prevent her from having any struggles but the truth is she will never learn if she doesn’t. She actually hates when I tell her the right way to do things or what she should be doing. I also try to make her do certain things my way. For example if she is cooking dinner instead of letting her do things her way I try to get her to do it my way or what I consider the proper way instead of letting her figure it out. Now don’t get me wrong there is a right or wrong way to do certain things but I need to let her figure that out.
I basically think my continuous stepping in will put a strain on our relationship. I also think if I don’t let her start to figure things out or come to me for help I might make her shut down and not ask for help when she absolutely needs it. I can already tell that we are both frustrated with things as it is. I think that I want success for her so bad that I am stifling her with pressure. But as I pay more attention to what I am doing I am sure it will get better. She needs room to grow and I am going to give it to her. She needs to be able to come to me when she feels she needs to. She doesn’t need me to catch her all the time.
Knowing my child I am sure that if I asked her she would tell me nothing is wrong with our relationship. However me as her mom feel a difference and I want to correct it before it gets to the point of no return.