Lately The Husband and I have been arguing way more than either one of us like. I mean to be honest we have had a lot going on. But we have realized that one of the things that has really changed is that the children are no longer home. Before when they were home we could easily put an argument aside because they were here and we didn’t want to make them uncomfortable. Well with them both gone we have no choice but to deal with our issues because there is nothing to hide behind. So with that being a factor we are forced to deal with our issues.
One day when we had just had an argument about something that at the time seemed major we basically just sat down and talked. The problem we were both upset with each other and instead of talking to each other we were mumbling under our breaths. I am thinking he is saying something about me and he is thinking I am saying something about him. It then turned into a screaming match where we just accused each other of a bunch of things. Then some how (I don’t remember how) we calmed down and actually listened to each other. I think was The Husband first who made the realization that we were both expecting different things of each other but not communicating that. After that we wound up talking about some other issues and seeing things from each others perspective.
From there we decided to implement a few things to improve our communication. I thought I would share these ideas with my readers.
- Whenever we have an issue we promised that we would talk to each other. Instead of holding it in and letting it boil.
- We are going to do a 2-5 minute check in with each other every day. We decided not to do a designated time or only when we’re upset because we don’t want to make it negative.
- We are going to live in the present. We will try our best to no longer dwell on past issues. This means if we argue we will not talk about something that happened days ago, a month ago, or years ago. We also won’t try to predict the future.
- We will respectfully call each other out. It doesn’t necessarily have to bother us but it is a reminder that a old habit might be creeping up.
- We will give each other praise. Like if we handle an issue well then we acknowledge it.
- We are going to better communicate our needs to each other. Lets be honest we do as couples sometimes expect our significant others as mind readers. They are not.
- We will try to be honest with each other. Sometimes it’s just easier to lie. Even when lies aren’t intentional. So going out when you really want to stay home and not saying anything is kind of a lie.
- We will respect each other’s boundaries and create healthy ones.
- We will actually listen to each other before becoming defensive.
Our goal in doing this is to just really improve our communication because we no longer want to live the way we were before. That way of living was so uncomfortable for the both of us. Neither one of us were happy because we didn’t think the other cared about the other’s feelings. Now we are working on forming a new line of trust with each other. We are a few days in and so far so good it is working. It is a bit awkward because it is so new. We are hoping that as we get use to our new normal that it will become just as easy as breathing.