Encouraging Individuality

I knew that when Tyler and Nishe’ entered school that they would have challenges with keeping up with the latest style. We have never been the type of parents who bought what was in. I don’t think style or wearing what’s in even became a issue until they each reached about 5th grade. When I say an issue I mean when kids start noticing what they were wearing. The Husband and I always encourage our children to wear what they like and not to worry about others. If we approve and they like it then that is all that matters.

Now both my babies are in middle school and now the pressure to go with the crowd is even stronger. I think they handle it pretty well. There are times when things bother them. Nishe’ has come home a few times and told me how people seem to be interested in how she wears her hair. See my baby girl is natural. She has never had a perm in her life. She likes to keep her hair braided or twisted up like her mommy. She is very comfortable with herself. Sometimes I ask her if she ever thought about getting a perm or flat ironing her hair and she tells me no. So I’m like hey if she cools with it then I am too. One thing I did shy away from when she entered middle school though was putting beads in her hair. I saw it as a little girl style and while she keeps her hair braided I wanted her to look a little more mature. Not to old or too young. Well this weekend The Husband asked her if she wanted beads in her hair and she said yes. I was not too happy with it because of course as her mom I don’t want her to get picked on. It took me a minute but I realized in that moment that it was her hair and she could wear it anyway she likes within reason. She had a braided ponytail. So I reluctantly put the beads in. My girl got up and had a biggest smile on her face. In that moment I was so happy to see her happy. My worries lessened a little. I believe we have given her all the tools to where she knows that all that matters is if she is happy every one else can as I’ve heard many times can “Kick Rocks”. Even to some extent her mommy. I never told her or The Husband my concerns because I didn’t want to rain on her happiness. I didn’t want to be the one to step on her individuality or make her feel bad. I was sure that if she had any problems she would handle it gracefully.

So yesterday she went to school and came home. As per my child a couple of hours after she was out of school she told me that some of the kids at school had something to say about her beads. She said that they total her that beads were for little kids. I asked her what she said and she told me that she told some of the kids that she liked them and other kids she ignored. I asked her how she felt about that. She told me that she didn’t care because she loved her hair. I told her that as long as she was happy that that was all that mattered. I told her that I was proud of how she handled the situation. One thing I’ve always stressed to my kids is that they should remember is that the people who are expressing their opinions about them do not have the ability to shape their lives. They do not provide anything for them. They don’t provide food, their clothes, or anything. So don’t let any of these people’s opinions have any affect on them. I must say I am so proud of my little girl. I think she handled the situation so well. I’m extremely happy that she felt comfortable coming to talk to me about it. I guess that she needed a little reassurance. The way she handled it let me know that The Husband and I are doing right. I do feel bad for being reluctant to put her beads in though. She rocks them beautifully.

I’m actually glad that I didn’t express my worry. I think her day would’ve been much worse. I didn’t want to put my worries in her head. I have a strong and beautiful young lady on my hands.