So as you know Nishe’ has been in college for a few months now. First time in the world basically without her parents. Now she is faced with making more decisions on her own. For awhile now I have been helping her with some decisions. I would voice my concern over them or give her my opinion. I would tell her the things she needs to do and remind her of appointments to set. Then the other day I realized something.
The other day we were talking about an appointment she needed to set. When she gave me the timeframe in which she wanted to set the appointment I so badly wanted to say I think you should do it sooner but I decided to do something different. I just said okay. She immediately asked me if I was okay. I told her I was fine. She asked me if I was sure. I told her yeah. She then asked if she did something wrong and I told her no. I told her I was supporting her decision. I told her that she was making the decision that was best for her. She was so confused. She really thought I was angry with her. But let me tell you why I just said okay.
I realized that my sweet beautiful young lady was still basing her decisions on my opinion. She was waiting for me to be like yes that’s the best decision or no you need to do this. I knew if I had said something she would have tried to do what I wanted. So instead of telling her what I think she should do I tried my best just to be on her side. Let her figure out what exactly works for her. I am realizing she can’t find out who she is and be the best person she wants to be if I continue to rain on her parade. So although it was hard for me to not give my opinion I didn’t. The only way she will learn is if she is allowed to figure things out on her own.
I have to remind myself that life is all about decision and even at the age of 37 I don’t always make the best decisions myself. I think that’s why I try to give her warnings because I don’t want her to learn the lessons that I learned but I really can’t do that. So I know letting her make mistakes and learn from them is best for her. I don’t want to make her doubt herself constantly the way that I do. Also making decisions and seeing them through will help her build confidence. So I am going to continue to push her to make confident decisions and believe in herself. I am going to do my best not to give my opinion unless she asks for it.
This is an eye opener for many people I’m sure! I’m not too far from having to experience this with my oldest, but when the time comes, I hope I’m ready and open minded about it. Gotta let em fly and learn from their mistakes through experience sometimes.