La La Land Mommy: Fighting My Biggest Critic……..Me
On Monday I was doing my hair. Trying a hairstyle that I hadn’t had in a long time. Blog post coming soon on that. Anyway this hairstyle took me a while to do. I loved it when other people did it for me but this time I was doing it myself. Even though it is my first time doing this style I still expected it to look good. I didn’t like it at first so I found myself just picking it apart. Like if I had just paid for someone to do it, it would look better. Then I became just all around self conscious. It has been a few days and I am beginning to get happy with it.
That happening got me to wondering why I have to pick anything I do apart. I always go through this process where I hate what I am doing. It could be a blog post, hairstyle, and even an outfit. I will hate it all the way until I decide that I just need to deal with it. I already know what the answer is. I want other people to like it. I want to be accepted. I am scared that if I look bad or write something that someone doesn’t like that I won’t be accepted and I will be picked on. When everyone who doesn’t like what I am doing is me. This fear is causing me to doubt myself and therefore is hindering me in areas where I want to be great. I still feel like the girl who got picked on in high school. I am making myself that little girl though. I don’t have the confidence that I am going to do things right. I know that I could do it if I tried to go into any task with confidence. Before I wrote this post I was wondering what if no one can relate to this topic.
I know what I need to do though. I have to feel confident that I can do whatever I am setting out to do. Realize that some things I am not going to get on the first try and that sometimes it will require practice. Also realize that sometimes I will fail but it doesn’t mean I have to quit. I need to stop letting these imaginary people (by imaginary I mean trying to predict people’s reactions) in my head lead my decisions. I also need to stop carrying what people think anyway because it’s about making me happy and no one else. It’s okay to not succeed or to want to do something for myself. I’m realizing that I will never succeed if I continue to try to make the world happy. I’m going to try my best to work on this.
What is one thing that you are working on with yourself?
