Sitting here on this chilly Friday morning I’m ambivalent about so many things, Work, home life, my kids, my direction in life, and what I want from life. I just can’t wrap my head around the last two months. If you had asked me at the beginning of the year if I thought I would be in this position I would’ve said you were crazy. There is no wat I would go through all of this. But I did and I survived. It has truly been a crazy past few weeks. I have learned so much that I wouldn’t have learned if I hadn’t experienced this. God has a funny way of choosing the way you learn a lesson. Some of his ways of doing things is not being to subtle and putting it right in your face.
Since my experience I have adopted a new motto, a new rule of life that motto is “Take Care Of Yourself”! Nothing is worth me not being here. Listen to your body telling you what it needs. Don’t pay more attention to others , your job, your weekend concert you want to attend, or anything else over your health. It’s really not worth it. You will find yourself regretting it if you do. You might have to learn the hard way the way that I did. Trust me it really isn’t fun.
Thursday I finally walked back into work after being gone for two months. Let me tell you I was super nervous I could barely stand straight. I felt like the new kid in school all over again. I used to hate being the new person. Actually I still hate it. But hey you have to do what you have to do. I decided to put my big girl panties on and face my nervousness head on. I was determined to stand strong and walk into the building with my head held high. I didn’t run away like a little girl. The Husband was a great help to me that first day and today. He talked me through my nervousness and he did some affirmations with me. The affirmations were I am strong, I m confident, and I am proud. He was helping me, but I would have felt even better if I had a vagus nerve stimulation device or something that can calm my nerves faster. Fortunately, they put me in a positive mind set and I was able to make it through the day. I was really proud of myself. The kids were really well behaved and it was almost like I never left. My coworkers were welcoming. Some of the kids were really excited to see me. It was a good day.
Today I did the same thing. The Husband again did some affirmations with me and I got a ride to work. I feel like having his support through all this has made me healing even easier because I know that I have him. I went into work and had no problems throughout the day. Just the regular kids sometimes keeping up nonsense. I also made sure I sat down and got my thirty minute break. I really am trying to listen to my body more. I do not want to go back to where I was. I want that whole ordeal behind me. I am excited to start seeing it that way. The Husband and I both still have our moments when we think about it. If I am honest I don’t think there will ever be a point where we don’t think about all of this. We will just think about it less. It is important that I feel connected to my work, so maybe if they offer hosted virtual team building activities down the line, then I may jump on in and take part especially as it can be great for bonding.
I am so glad that things are going back to normal. As a matter of fact I think things are even better than they were before. I so appreciate my job being as supportive as they have been. I was so blessed in that way. I have to admit that I was scared at some points that they would get fed up with me calling with bad news after bad news but that didn’t happen. I am glad I was able to have time to heal and get to where I could just work again. My job gave me something to work towards along with the care of my family. When things like this happen you absolutely need that.
Unfortunately, most of us are forced to go back to work way before we’re ready to. We have to pretend everything’s okay and push ourselves to complete the tasks just to get through the day. However, just because you have to head back to work early doesn’t mean you can’t take some time for yourself at the office. Shut down your computer and take a walk when you feel like you need a break. Call a loved one if you need a vent, if being around people has become too overwhelming.