As a mother I have always want to protect my children. I mean isn’t that far you are suppose to do as a mother protect your children from harm. For me protecting them always meant giving them advice in situations. If they came and talked to me at the end of whatever they were saying I would give my thoughts on the matter and then tell them what I thought they should do in the situation.
However after a situation with my daughter I have decided I’m done giving advice unless I’m specifically asked for it. I didn’t come to this decision lightly because in my mind’s eye I felt like I had every right to give my child advice. She’s my child and I don’t want any harm to come to her so I’m going to give this advice. But I really had to do some soul searching a few weeks back because some advice I gave her any horribly wrong. Let’s just say she didn’t have the best reaction. That was the moment I realized I needed to change some things. I’m going to give you 3 reasons why I came to this conclusion:
- Advice is suppose to help and not hurt. The last time I gave my child advice it actually hurt her more than helped her. The last thing I want to do is hurt my child. I will be admit that the topic was something we had talked about before and we already knew each other’s views. But the last thing I want to do is hurt my child.
- I get too upset when my advice isn’t taken. This seems to only be with my kids. Anyone else if they don’t take my advice I can care less but with them I kind of expect them to take my advice. However now I am going to lower that expectation and let my kids to do what is best for them.
- The biggest reason is advice shouldn’t be forced. It also shouldn’t be the thing that makes or break my relationship with anyone especially my kids. I have felt like I am being forced to take advice before and it isn’t a good feeling at all. I don’t want to make my kids feel like if they don’t take my advice that I won’t love them anymore.
I am constantly having to remind myself that my kids are adults and they no longer need me to hold their hands anymore. They are old enough to make their own decisions. I need to learn to support whatever those decisions are. They will not handle things the way that I would. I also in a way need to protect myself. I can admit that sometimes I get way to involved in their lives and that is just wrong. Concern for them can come off as extra pushy. So because I don’t want them to not want to involve me in their lives I am going to curb the advice. Yes it is going to be hard but I will get there. My wanting my kids to take my advice isn’t worth me seeing the reaction my daughter had ever again.