Have you ever heard the saying “Closed mouths don’t get fed.”? I have heard this saying multiple times in my life but I am only now just grasping what it really means. It basically means that if you don’t ask or demand what you want or need then you are most likely not going to get it. I have been doing this for years. There have been things that I wanted or needed that I just never open my mouth to spit out the things that I wanted or needed. I don’t know why I just have always been like that. It could be a sense of pride, maybe fear, or just not wanting to seem helpless. Whatever it is it has made me put obstacles in front of myself without knowing it. I never realized until one day I sat down and asked myself why most people were getting things that they wanted and I wasn’t. The struggle to ask what I want or need mainly shows up in personal relationships. With friends and family I just have a fear of losing the friendship or ruining the relationship. However those very same people have no problem doing the exact thing I am afraid of. I don’t like hurting people’s feelings so it makes me hold in what I am feeling. The other day The Husband and I just weren’t connecting. He had expressed some things that he was feeling and as usual I was sitting and fuming because I was feeling some type of way. I felt like we were always focusing on things that was bothering him and not on things that were bothering me. I was angry at him because I felt that way. In actuality the fact that it was this way was totally my fault. I rarely express myself. Then I blame him because he is brave enough to say how he feels and what he needs. I actually admire that about him. I kind of leave us out of sync because I am unwilling to say what is that I actually need. So once I came to that conclusion I opened up and expressed what I needed from him. I actually think that he heard me because I have noticed some things have changed in the few days it’s been since we have talked. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day so it’s going to take a minute for me to be better at communicating and for us to get better at giving each other what they need. But my biggest challenge will be to just spit it out rather than holding it in. I have to remember that holding it in is not really keeping the peace. Sometimes it just makes things worse.
La La Land Mommy: Just Spit It Out
Instead of worrying about people’s feelings or losing a friendship sometimes you have to just spit out the way you feel. To be honest if you spit it out and any of those things happens then that tells you how much the relationship means to the other person. Doesn’t mean they can’t be upset or feel however they feel but if it changes your relationship it just means their time in your life is over for the moment. It can be for a short time or forever. You should always be able to tell someone how you feel. Yes the fear of it not turning out the way you want it to will always be there but in the end you will feel better for doing it. I am starting to want to put my feelings before others because I can’t control how they will react to how I feel.
Is it easy for you to communicate? Do you hold it in or do you spit it out?
