I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life at 17. The Husband and I dated for 8 months before we decided we couldn’t be without each other and decided to make it official. I was 18 at the time. Then 4 months later we found out we were expecting Princess S and then 11 months after her birth we found out we were expecting Private J. I am a extremely happy wife and mommy. I love my life as it is now.
However, I think with skipping the time some women take to just be them and enjoy finding out who they are I kind of cheated my family and myself out of a better mom and wife. Instead, they have this person who is doing double duty. I am being mom and wife while at the same time still trying to discover who I am. Okay, I know who I am but at the same time still identify myself. I am just now getting to the point where I realize that it is okay to have things that I like outside of my husband and kids. I have my little hobbies of reading and watching Tv shows, but I mean like going out and doing things separate from my family. For example, when I went to church the Sunday before last I felt so weird and kind of like I was doing something wrong. I just felt I should have been with my family. However, I had been talking about going to church for years and hadn’t done it. The Husband is not one to go to church. It was something I desired to do after talking about it for so long that I just decided to take the bull by the horns and do it. I realized while sitting in church that I would always not do something for fear of upsetting The Husband and he was always the one encouraging me to do things on my own. Then when I didn’t do it I would always use him as an excuse along with many other excuses.
But I have realized that in going from living with my parents to becoming a married woman, and then a mom, I never had the chance to really just do what I wanted to do. I always set myself to the side. In doing so I have become kind of a bitter person because I set myself into thinking that I had to do everything besides working with my family or I had to do it with someone. The point is that there will be times when I will need to roll up my sleeves and do the work that needs to be done. If there’s a need to fix the roof or do some remodeling, for example, I will need all my energy to make sure it’s done right. It is true that hiring experts might ease the job a bit, but you might still need to oversee everything that happens. And no matter how big or small the project is, you may have to find a way to fit it into your schedule. I mean, suppose you’re getting custom trim done in your new house, you might need to ensure that it’s done correctly. It’s the same for even minor projects like plumbing repairs or wall painting. However, after all this hassle, it is important to remember to take some time for oneself. But what do I do with that time? Do I spend it with my family or just for myself? I am notorious for saying that I want to go see a movie but I don’t want to see it by myself. Then of course I would be disappointed if I wound up never seeing the movie. I am just finding out that not doing these things turns me into someone that I don’t like. I’ve been doing it so long that it comes like breathing to me. Now that I am doing it more often I am finding that I am becoming a different person. I find when I do more things for myself and come home I am relaxed and can look forward to the next time that I do it.
I am realizing that if I become a little more independent that then I will become both a better mom and wife. That there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing things on my own and no reason to feel guilty about it as I had been feeling before. Plus it gives my husband and kids time to bond together. I am usually around but I love to give them that time together. I am still working on being okay with it without guilt but I feel I will get there. I have just always been around people and did things with someone. This is another way that I am learning to step outside of my comfort zone.
