This week I found myself really focused on past friendships I had . Mainly I was trying to figure out why I let those people treat ,e the way that they did. I was really trying to find an answer. I think the thing I wanted to know is why didn’t I call them out on their behavior. I have noticed lately I really have a problem with confronting people if I am wronged by them. I will continue to let things slide and won’t say a word until I blow up. So I just really wanted to know what made me think it was okay to let them mistreat me.
First let me explain. The whole thing started when I had a disagreement with a coworker. She honestly had been trying me all summer. She would interfere with my class like I didn’t know what I was doing or over talk me when I was trying to get things in order because she felt she knew better. This drove me crazy until I finally just started to correct her. After doing it a few times I noticed that she backed off. But then it got me to wondering why the heck I let it go on so long, I have a real bad habit of doing this.
When the thought first entered my mind I messaged my therapist and told her what was bothering me. The thing that bothered me was the fact that when I looked back had these friendships I noticed I let people just mistreat me. I did this even if what they were doing hurt me. We aren’t talking about little things either. We are talking about blunt in your face wrongs. Now I do have some reasons I don’t like conflict and I would rather keep the peace. I also don’t like when people are upset with me. But that’s not the biggest reason.
The biggest reason was at the time I was letting all this go on I felt I needed them to serve a purpose in my life. Like my best friend (or so I thought at the time) from middle school I kept having her around because she made me feel more confident when I was around her. I also felt seen. Without her I didn’t feel noticed and I felt like ,y life was boring. Plus she kept me company being the only girl in the house wasn’t easy. My brothers had each other and they were closer image but me I didn’t feel like I had anyone. But I had my friends. Plus I learned a lot from her. I learned how to do my hair, dress better, and flirt with boys. Around her my life just felt more exciting. So I kept allowing her to do what she was doing because she brought something different to my life. Once we grew apart I felt horrible but now I understand that the way it happened was how it was suppose to happen. Her season in my life was over and it was time for me to move on to the next season and learn what I had to learn from that season. Plus if we hadn’t grown apart I probably would still be allowing her to do what she was doing.
Now I’m realizing that some of the people who are no longer in my life simply because their time to be in it is over. Plus sometimes looking back at the past there isn’t one thing that can exactly pinpoint why you are doing something. I think my answer is simply I didn’t want to be lonely so I just felt like having someone was better than having no one at all. There is someone there willing to hangout with me and even though they are bad for me it’s better than being alone. When in actuality I needed to work on liking my own company which I have done in recent years. I also learned that just because someone is nice to you doesn’t mean you have to take their crap when they aren’t nice to you. Plus it’s okay for friendships or any relationship to end because it means that person has done what they were meant to do. You take your lessons and move on. However you just have to recognize the signs. Now I am focusing on finding my voice and speaking up more cause I don’t want to continue this pattern of allowing people to stay when it’s time for them to go.
