La La Land Mommy: Perfection Is Time Consuming
The other day I was writing a blog post. For whatever reason this particular post took me all day to write. Then I noticed this is kind of a pattern to me. It is very rare that a post doesn’t take me all day. I want it to be perfect for my readers. I want them to enjoy the stuff that I write. I want for my blog title to be perfect. If I have pictures I want them to be perfect too. I basically want you all to see me as perfect even though I am not. I mean no one is perfect. In my mind perfection is not possible. It makes me wonder why do we as a society want everyone to see us as perfect. We look at celebrities and think their world has got to be awesome.
When I look at how I try to make things look perfect I realize for me it is a mask. Like when I go out to events and with my family I actually take a long time to get dressed. Sometimes in the end I wind up most times just throwing something on because I don’t think anyone is going to like it anyway. But I honestly cannot figure out why I even care. I want people to think that I am well put together and that everything is right in my world when I actually want to curl up and shrink into a little ball. I want them to want to be around me. I think that I want to be seen as put together. Then when I don’t put my best foot forward it is a mask as well cause I truly don’t want to be noticed. I feel like people will think there is something wrong with me and spot even more of my flaws. So I want the outside world to think I am perfectly fine. Even with my husband and kids I put up a perfect front. I am actually constantly wondering what they think of me. Do they think I am a good mom? Does my husband think I am a good wife? So I try to be perfect for them as well. But I am beginning to realize that perfection is time consuming. When I go to bed I am exhausted.
I am here to tell you. I am always going to try to look and be my best but I am no longer going to try to be to be perfect. I realize that my mistakes make me who I am. They help me learn. But not only that I am tired of just being tired. I want people to know the real me. People may not understand but sometimes when I’m out I feel anxious because I am not usually around many people. I am in my home trying to get things done. I mainly hang with my husband and kids. I want to break out my bubble but it really isn’t as easy for me. Which is funny to me because when I was younger I made friends pretty easily. Well that was up until about the sixth grade. Elementary school things were so much easier. Once I was in middle school things became harder and kids became crueler. More worried about what you are wearing rather than who you are and spreading rumors about you. You would think it would change after middle and high school but it really doesn’t. It actually gets worse. Maybe for me it’s because I feel like I am always being judged. But I will say I am definitely getting much better. I now know that in order to be accepted I have to be me. Then those who truly want to be around me will. I can’t stay in my bubble forever. When I post here I am going to be honest and me. What you see will basically be what you get. Just know that I am trying. No more perfection.
Has trying to be perfect affected your life? How?
