We’ve all done it. We have been walking in the grocery store and have seen a child throwing a tantrum. We automatically most times assume that the person that the child is with usually mom has absolutely no idea how to handle their child. Then we walk on. We never think of the possibility that maybe there is a reason that the child is reacting the way that they are. The child may be off their nap schedule or could not be feeling well. We just don’t know but whatever the reason may be we are judging that mom or dad.
I used to be that parent. Heck I still am on occasion. I try not to judge but I find myself automatically doing it. I try to remember how I felt getting the stares and eye rolls when my kids had their moments. I remember one time I was at the store with Nishe’ I unfortunately hadn’t planned ahead and one morning realized that she was out of baby food. It was early in the morning and my poor baby was hungry. I gave her a bottle hoping it would hold her over until we got back from the store. At this time we didn’t have a car so the only way we could get to the store was by walking. Did I mention it was cold? Yep it was cold. She seemed pretty content on the way down. I think she was all of 6 months. I don’t know what it was but as soon as we hit the store my once content baby decided to cut a mess. She was straight crying like I had beat her or something (I hadn’t. Trust me I hadn’t). It became a marathon. I moved as fast as I could through the grocery store. I guess everybody decided they needed something that morning cause I wound up waiting in the longest line ever. Then the store only had two cash registered open. So my baby is just screaming. She would be quiet if I held her but I couldn’t hold her, push the stroller, and unload the back of it. So I put her down. I quickly paid for my groceries and was on my way out. Almost home free when this older gentleman decided he wanted to talk despite my kids screaming her head off. He mentioned how cute she was and I said the usual thank you. Then I picked her up to try to calm her down. He noticed how Nishe’ got quiet as soon as I picked her up. He turned his nose at us and preceded to tell me how he can’t stand spoiled babies and how he don’t understand why parents hold their kids so much. I also noticed the looks that people are giving me. So I sat my baby down and headed home. I gave my baby her breakfast and she took a nap.
I write this story because I want people to remember to show some sort of compassion for people. For example that mom in Baltimore who was caught on TV hitting her son. I’m sure there were a dozen other ways that she could have handled that situation but she went with her first thought. However I highly doubt that means that she is an abusive parent. It definitely doesn’t mean that her son’s behavior had anything to do with her style of raising him. We have to realize that at some point our children are going to make their own decisions and it isn’t always going to be connected with the way we are raised. Remember there are kids who have survived horrible situations and they don’t turn out horrible.
The mom here in Georgia who called the police to help her with her son. Just because she did that doesn’t mean she didn’t try other methods. Remember when you’re on TV you only have a certain amount of time to get your story out. So just because she didn’t list everything she tried doesn’t mean she didn’t try. Now would I do what she did? Probably not. However I’m not in her situation. I can’t say I never will be. She did what she thought was best for her child. I do what is best for mine.
Sometimes I just wish people would stop judging others and try to put themselves in their shoes. Think about how you would possibly feel in that situation. You can always say what you would do but you never know until you are actually there. I can honestly say that I might have reacted the same way the mom in Baltimore reacted when she saw her son out on the streets throwing things at the police. I could actually see myself taking my kids on a jail tour if I thought all else was failing and they weren’t getting the message. Our job as parents is to raise our kids to be the best people they can be. However we also have to guide them to make the right decisions and to deal with the consequences of their wrong decisions. We have a hard enough time doing that we shouldn’t have to also worry about the opinions of others. So can we please try not to judge so much. I know I’m working on not judging as much as I usually do.
When was the last time you felt judged? How did you feel?
