La La Land Mommy: Are You Really “Just Joking”?
I was “just joking”. This is a term that many people use whenever they say something that hurts someone’s feelings. I have also heard “I didn’t mean it”, “you are too sensitive”, “it’s not that serious”. All these phrases are used. I have used them myself. But the one I am focusing on today is I was “just joking”. This phrase I was “just joking” is in my head because of a recent conversation I had with my daughter. She said something to me that kind of bothered me and when I asked her why she said it she said she was “just joking”. It made me wonder how many times people have used the phrase to cover up what they really meant to say. How many people aren’t “just joking”. I am totally guilty of slipping in my true feelings when I am supposedly just playing with someone. But I never thought about the impact of some of my so called jokes. If you know something you are saying is going to hurt someone’s feelings then why say it. Like if you know someone is sensitive about their weight why would you pick that thing to joke about. For me I truly admit that I did it simply to hurt someone when I had the opportunity. But now that I think about it taking that opportunity did nothing but caused more problems and made me look horrible. Then it made what happened between me and the person I hurt even worse. Then I just felt horrible afterwards. Cause that one moment of satisfaction didn’t make me feel any better than I did before. In the end it definitely isn’t funny.
Why do we expect people to feel better when we say we are “just joking”? It really doesn’t make the person feel any better than when you initially said the joke. Then on top of that why do we get upset because they get upset about it at all. It definitely doesn’t make it funny. All you really have accomplished is embarrassing the person and hurting them. Then by implying that they should just move on because you were “just joking” it makes you look even worse and makes them feel invalidated.
This post is more fore me than anything to remember that saying I was “just joking” doesn’t take away a person’s hurt. Doesn’t make whatever you said funny. There is such a things as going too far. Also you don’t know if you what you said might be the deciding factor in a decision that a person can’t come back from.
A very insightful post. I hate it when people say things like that. I always try and think before saying hurtful things. Just joking doesn’t make it right. I always speak up when l hear that kind of crap. If someone directs it t me, they better be prepared to hear a lecture 🙂
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Thank you so for stopping by. Yeah I am realizing that I use it more than I like to. So I am definitely working on it.
Oh man… I’ve heard this and have also done this. You are correct; people do say “just joking” to get away with saying with they truly feel. What they don’t realize is that there is a way to say what you truly feel without having to hide it in a “joke “.
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Yes I am definitely working on this. I know I have done it too. I don’t know why it is just easier to be mean than honest.
This is tough. I know I have said things myself that I really didn’t mean but I also know folks have said mean things to me under the guise of “just kidding”. We all just need to be more kind.
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Yes that is something that I’ve been working on myself. Trying to be kinder.
I agree with you Stacie! We’re all a little guilty of this. This post is a great reminder.
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Katherine, thanks for this reminder. Some people say it maliciously and others say it jokingly. All in all we need to be careful, because whether it was intended to hurt someone or not, the damage is often done and can’t be taken back. Thanks for sharing!
Exactly. People usually don’t think how their words can hurt someone.
I also keep in the back of my mind that “hurt people, hurt people.” So when i’m hurt, I know that the other person is probably in need of love, understanding, patience, etc.Thanks for the reminder!
So very true.
This is something we all need to work on and I am also guilty of even sometimes telling myself that maybe it is really a joke.
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I totally agree.
Yes, it’s definitely necessary for us to be more intentional with our words. A lot of times, jokes have a lot of truth to them and can be hurtful, specifically if we don’t really know that person we’re joking with all that well. Thank you for this reminder to stay mindful.
You’re so welcome. I love your words. I think you said exactly what I was trying to say.
I agree with your post and it is very eye-opening. Instead of saying, “Just kidding” or all these other meaningless phrases we say to cover our tracks, we should have a serious conversation about how our words affect each other.
I totally agree with you.
I think it’s important to understand someone’s intentions. Saying “just joking” doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to make me feel better but it allows me to get a glimpse at their heart and understand their intentions. If we do more talking than jumping to offenses, I don’t see why two people can’t have a reasonable conversation about how they are feeling. Maybe then people wouldn’t “joke” so much.
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I agree with you. I think many times people misuse the phrase “just joking” or “just kidding”. Sometimes I call people out on it and I’ll say, “No, you weren’t joking. You were serious.” If it is something that hurts me or my children, I have no problem calling someone out, especially if it concerns my kids. Some people need to think before they speak.
Yeah I hate to argue. I am learning to speak my mind more.
Interesting read. If I’m joking, I really am joking. I have no problem saying how I really feel. A lot of people don’t like it.