Communication is a very important part of making a marriage work. As the years in marriage goes on sometimes communication can break down and you have to get it back on track. I have always struggled in the communication department of marriage. Actually I have struggled with communicating pretty much all my life. Since I don’t like confrontation I usually just hold stuff in until I basically explode. It of course isn’t a good idea to do that. Especially when you are married. Recently I found out just how much my being quiet has affected my relationship. The Husband and I reached a moment to where we just had to sit down and talk. Things just hadn’t be right with us for awhile. So we decided to just sit down and just name our issues. It’s interesting how we both felt the same way about some things but neither one of us knew because we just weren’t talking. We had got into a what I call a “keep the peace” pattern. We would have an issue but just to keep the peace we would not say anything. I was the main one doing it. Well at least I thought I was. The way I felt showed up in ways that I didn’t even think about. It would show up in my body language, the way I responded to him when he spoke to me, and the way I treated him. I thought I was being normal. I really wasn’t. I guess I am not the best at faking it until I make it. He would tell me that I didn’t want to be around him. My argument used to be I never said that. He would say no but you act like it.
La La Land Mommy: Your Spouse Is Not A Mind Reader
A few weeks ago things just came to ahead and we basically had to figure out had to fix it. So we just started talking. At first things were pretty much one sided because I was just listening to what he was telling me what about me was bothering him and I wasn’t saying anything about what was bothering me about him. As he was telling me some of what was bothering him and I listened I realized I shared some of the same feelings. But because we weren’t talking (especially me) we couldn’t acknowledge each other’s feelings and figure out how to fix what was broken. So I finally just started opening up and telling him some of my problems. I feel he started opening up even more. I then also started to acknowledge some of his feelings and he started acknowledging mine as well. Then the things that we felt the same about like expecting each other to know what the other is feeling we started to fix it. Here are a few things that I am learning that I need to work on more:
- I need to learn to hear what he is saying not just listen.
- I need to speak up more. Me holding things in isn’t really gonna solve any problems besides making things worse.
- I need to work on being less defensive. Sometimes before The Husband even says anything I am already on the defense.
- I need to learn to acknowledge his feelings more and apologize. I am not good at that at all.
- Also pay more attention to him. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the comings and goings of life I forget to pay attention to other important areas. That is definitely not good for a marriage.
I am promising myself that I will work on these things more because I want to improve my marriage and myself. I just want to be an all around better person. To make a marriage work you have to be willing to work on yourself. I am willing to do what’s necessary to figure things out. I am just really glad we talked. Opening up has definitely started to put our relationship on a better course. I am glad we are moving forward.
I write all this to say remember your spouse isn’t a mind reader. They only know the things that you tell them. While they may know you are angry or whatever emotion you are feeling but they don’t know the exact reason why. You have to be willing to be vulnerable and open up to them as much as you want them to be open to you.
