As I am working on myself I’m starting to recognize things that trigger me. With dealing with some things from my past I notice that sometimes my reaction to things doesn’t often have to do with the situation at hand but like a combination of the situation and sometimes my past. So when I get triggered I can tend to be a little more reactive than I intend to be.
Today I realized when someone says they aren’t me really bothers me. Cause hearing someone say that about me makes it seems as if there is something wrong with being me. Like being me is a negative thing. I heard that phrase a number of times as a kid and even a few times as an adult. It always made me feel like something was wrong with me when people said that. Like what’s wrong with being me. It hurt even more coming from people who called themselves my friends or a family member. Then of course I started questioning the relationships around me. If there was something so wrong with me then why were those people hanging around me. Why was being me so negative? I’m not going to lie though even I have said this phrase not thinking about how it would affect the person I was talking about.
I also think that it hurt me because I think I’m a great person and it bothers me that someone may not. I’m trying to get out of caring what people think about me but the fact that someone didn’t think highly of me bothers me. Plus it actually made me mad that I let such a small comment bother me. I know there is nothing wrong with me so why do I care that someone didn’t like me. I stood up for myself because I refuse to let me or anyone else think it’s okay to make me seem small. Cause the whole exchange happened in front of coworkers and some kids. So I’m guessing I was a wee bit embarrassed as well.
I just don’t think anyone should be made to feel like there is something wrong with them. No one should be made to feel lesser than because they handle things differently than another person. So I refuse to let anyone make me feel that way ever. I know there are some really great things about me and I’m starting to be okay with the fact that not everyone will like me. I shouldn’t let a simple phrase affect me that way.
