Today I Didn’t Spiral: How I Learned To Slow Down And Trust Myself

When I woke up this morning I really did plan on having a great day. But that is most certainly not what happened.

I had an interview today and unfortunately miscommunication made my plans switch to taking the bus instead. Normally that one thing would send me into a downward spiral. I would be trying to figure out what went wrong. Trying to figure out whose fault it was or did some self blame. Then I would go into fix it mode and did everything in my power to make what went wrong go right.

Because I’m that person who likes to fix things.

What that usually looks like is me forcing conversations and even make rushed decisions because, in my mind, they would guarantee that what happened today wouldn’t happen again. I even considered just canceling the interview all together because I was convinced that it would make it better.

But you know what happened just before I jumped off the cliff into my spiral?

I stopped myself. I took a moment and actually thought through my options. First thing I acknowledged was I had a way to the interview. I would take the bus. What’s crazy is I had already considered that option before but had settled on using the car. The miscommunication just made it so I had it as a fall back.

Then I decided to focus on getting ready. I took a shower, washed my face, and picked an outfit. I paused long enough to ask myself what jumping int fix-it mode would solve.

The conclusion I came to was simple: it wouldn’t fix anything.

So I decided to just focus on my interview.

I was also expecting a phone call from an interview I had yesterday. Unfortunately the interviewer didn’t call. So I called her and left a message instead of worrying about why she didn’t call back.

Then I got up and made sure I had everything I needed and made my way to my interview. It actually went rather well even though I had to interview with three people instead of one. That usually makes me nervous but it didn’t this time. I took a breath and stuck to my plan of only answering the questions that I was asked, avoid oversharing and trust myself. Even that worked out better than I thought it would.

I was even able to enjoy an unexpected walk to the interview. I even had enough time to stop and take a picture in front of a mural. After the interview, I met my husband at his job and got a ride home.

What started off as a rough day turned into a pretty good one

I even had an unexpected decision to make, and instead of panicking, I trusted myself. I processed everything and made the decision that was right for me.

So the good day I wanted to have? I had it.

Not because everything went according to plan, but because I stopped, overthinking slowed down, and refocus on what I could control.

And maybe that’s growth, not avoiding hard days, all together learning that I can handle them without losing myself in the process. Because before today, the version of Katherine, I used to be would have just given up