La La Land Mommy: I Want My Daughter To Wait To Date….Here’s Why
Today is a special day. It is my oldest child birthday. Usually I write posts about how she has changed over the year. But this time I am changing things up. I am going to express my concern about something in particular. Dating. It truly scares me that she will eventually date. Thank goodness she doesn’t appear interested right now. I mean she has boys she likes but nothing to serious. She’s a great child. She has good grades in school and she is pretty responsible. She is actually not the main person I am worried about. Honestly I hope that she continues to not be interested in dating for a while.
I know. I know. You are going to probably say that is wishful thinking. Trust me I know that. She is getting older and there will eventually be a boyfriend. Here is why I want her to wait to date:
- Education: I really think that she should wait until she finishes school. School is tough enough as it is. I don’t think she needs to worry about juggling it and a relationship.
- Maturity: I want her to mature more emotionally. Right now she is this sweet young girl who wants to make everyone happy. I don’t want her to think that she has to always do what people want to make them happy. I want her to know that she is important in a relationship as well. I think maturing and knowing who you are before dating is important.
- Dangers: I want her to understand the dangers of dating. Her date may try to take advantage of her. That could be anything trying to force her to have sex, do drugs, or drink. I mean there are some real dangers.
- Jealous girlfriends or exes: This is the thing I am really afraid of in light of recent developments I have seen on the news. I think some young girls are way to serious about their boyfriends lately. Some are jealous to the point that they will actually fight over this boy. This is so scary to me. My daughter actually was threatened by a young lady a few months ago because Nishe’ and her friend were talking to her ex-boyfriend who they were friends with. This young lady had been told by this friend that he no longer wanted to date her but she kept holding on. I of course reported it to the school. I don’t play that with my kids. One thing that won’t happen is anybody threatening or putting their hands on my children. Nope Katherine don’t play that.
My thoughts are coming from a story I saw on the news last week. A 15 year old girl was just killed last week over a boy in Delaware. She was jumped in the bathroom by a group of girls and died from hitting her head on the sink. At the time this young lady was the same age as my daughter. It immediately had me worried for her. Cause this was not the first time I’ve heard a story like this. I know there will be more. I’ve already told my daughter that no boy is worth her life. This means in death or in prison. I just think that at this age everyone should be having fun. Now I may be the pot calling the kettle black because I dated at her age. Heck I got married at 18. However for me dating was not like it is now. I actually don’t remember there being too many fights over guys. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention. I do know if there were any they weren’t out to kill you. Well again not that I know of. I guess I am more aware not only because of technology but because I am a parent now. When you are a kid you don’t really pay attention to things like that. I know that when she is ready to date her dad and I will sit down and have another talk with her. We want her to know what she needs to be aware of and how to handle certain situations. With what is going on in the world today I urge you to talk to your daughters and sons. Let them know that dating doesn’t have to be taken that seriously. We have given my daughter some guidelines but I still worry.
How do you handle dating or how will you handle dating with your kids?
The world is so different from when I was 15 or 16. I think homeschooling our son helped. He had a small group of close friends and they all treated each other with respect.
It really is. It’s all quite scary. You want to protect them from everything but can’t
I have all boys, so I have different concerns. Thankfully my oldest is only 11, so he’s got at LEAST 5 more years before he can date 🙂
I have a boy too. He is 14 and is much like his sister and doesn’t care too much about dating right now. That is still yet another can of worms I am not ready to open either. Like you said a whole different set of issues as well. I’m not ready.
What a timely topic! My son is almost 13 and we discuss this regularly. I can tell he is starting to be interested, and he has decided that it is a waste in middle school to date since he won’t see these folks again. This might not be true, but I am going with this good decision! This is a tough one to navigate, I am keeping a close eye on the situation for sure!
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Yes we are too. I have a 14 year old son as well. My heart attack is not over with. I think I am a little more scared for him cause I am noticing girls are more forceful than I remember them being when I was younger.
I think 16 is a good age for dating. Trying to discourage kids from dating will only make them want to do it more. And when they get to that age, and they start connecting with people, it’s going to be a losing battle anyway. Might as well go with it and exercise as much influence as possible.
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Yeah we just plan on taking her lead. Not going to stop her. Just a little worried. Right now she doesn’t care for it. But that may change down the road. So we’ll just keep an eye on her and guide her along the way.
It is so scary when your kids start dating. I definitely can understand wanting them to wait as long as possible!
Yes I definitely want them to take their time. There is no rush.
I have 4 boys and am about to have 3 girls this summer – and I want my kids to wait. I started early had a baby early and just would rather them wait.
I did too. I lucked out in meeting my husband early in life. I just want them to make great decisions.
Although we have not reached the dating age just yet, I absolutely agree with all of the points you made. I want my daughters to learn to love themselves, discover who they are and stay focused on their goals. There will be plenty of time for significant others!
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I am glad to know I am not alone. I want my son to do the same.
I was so nervous when my kids started dating. I can not help but worry about them when they go out on dates. Both of my kids waited until they were a little older to date.
So basically it will never go away. Ugh! Ha ha ha!
I can’t remember what age my kids first started dating. I think it was around that age. There’s nothing wrong with being nervous about that!
Yeah it is just so hard. I just try not to push on her.
My daughter, now 17, has been dating her boyfriend for almost 3 years. We approve of the boy. He is very respectful and polite. I hope my 12 year old finds a boyfriend like him when she is old enough to date.
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That is great! I hope my daughter gets that lucky. Sounds like your daughter has a great guy.
My dad always told us we couldn’t date until after grad school. Didn’t work, but I understood that school was the most important. Hope my kids get that too!
Yes I hope mine continue to focus on school. I see my son becoming slightly more interested. I am keeping an eye on these little girls now too.
If I have a daughter I would rather do the same like yours. I salute you because you did a good job with your daughter.
Thank you! My son is following the same. I try not to be so pushy with my own ideas of what I think is best for them. I am trying to guide them and not make all their decisions for them.
My oldest daughter didn’t date til she was 18. My next daughter started dating when she was 16. We told our twins they can date when they turn 25. 🙂 There are so many things that are different now then when I was young. It’s wise to want your daughter to wait!
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Ha ha ha! I don’t know if you will that 25. We will see. I love that my daughter does things in her own time. I am just glad we communicate.
I just read that same story about the girl and it shook me to the core. It’s so disturbing. I will say when girls are able to root themselves in academic and sports success I think they are more confident and more able to be selective about the people with whom they spend their time. Another reason to stick with their education as a leg up in life.
Yes. It is so scary. I just think it is too young to take things so seriously. I just trust that she will make the right decisions.
The kids’ dating options were eased into, from group activities to just couples. I think your plan is doable, although you may have to prove to your daughter that education is more important than boys. It is scary to see so much violence, though it was all around when I was a kid.
Yes it is really hard. I don’t want to lock her up. I just want her to take her time. My son too. I just want them to ease into it.
I think every parent would love for their child to wait, I certainly do. I hope you can have an open conversation with her about these thoughts
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We have. She is a great kid. I love that we are able to talk to each other.
These are tough times to raise children. We can teach them all the right things but they live in a world with others that don’t always “play nice”. My best advice, stay connected as much as possible and love them.
I definitely plan on doing that. Communication is key especially now.
That sink story is awful. I’m in an alternative school teaching (middle school) and though I like the kids, they can def. be vicious. I think the girls are worse than the boys when it comes to fighting.
I totally agree. Mainly because they fight off emotion and it can be crazy. I am so scared for my daughter and my son.
You are so right, all of your points are valid. Good luck in the future
Thanks.
I am on the same page as you are on the dating thing. My daughter is 17 and she has not been on a date yet. She isn’t all that interested yet.
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Dating for teenagers is so different from when we were kids. It is way more dangerous. I’m glad my kids don’t appear to be interested right now.