The past few days have been really interesting. I am coming to realize that I am not really good at knowing when to let things go and move on. I am not a person who can have a bad day at work and be like okay that is just one day. I have to analyze and figure out what went wrong with the day and then figure out how to not have that bad day again. Until I figure that out or realize there is really nothing I could do differently because whatever it was that made the day difficult is beyond my control. However the people pleaser in me just wants to fix it.
Tuesday was a really rough day at work. Some things happened that I really wish I could go back and change. When it comes to the children and the parents I do my best to make sure both are happy. I know. I know. Everyone isn’t going to be happy. But I can try right. One parent was highly upset because of a miscommunication with a situation that involved her child. I immediately felt horrible because I thought that I did the right thing when it came to the child but it turns out the one thing I left out was doing my due diligence in making sure the mom was notified and a incident report was written. Now most people would be like lesson learned and move on. I on the other hand went over everything that I should have and could have done. I beat myself up for messing up. Then I started wondering if I was going to lose my job because of it. I had this full on eternal panic attack because I completely went for the negative. I woke up the next day and it was still on my mind. I decided that from now on that no matter how small I thought anything was anything that happened to any of the children I was going to do an incident report and the parents informed.
You would think that would be the end of it but I really couldn’t just let it go. I realized later on that me carrying that one incident around was putting me in a terrible funk and it made me paranoid at work the next day. I finally had to call The Husband and talk to him. He helped me realize that I did all I could do in the situation at the moment and that I needed to just let it go. That holding on to it wasn’t affecting anyone else but me. My bosses weren’t upset with me. That I was being super hard on myself and that I am human and I would make mistakes. I don’t know why I am so hard on myself. But I know I don’t like messing up ever.
I’m trying my best to learn to let things happen and then move on. I’m just one of those people who have to go through a whole process to make sure I did everything I could to avoid the situation before I can just move on. I just internalize everything and I don’t necessarily know why I do. Everything just feels major to me when it shouldn’t. It will have me talking about it for days before I actually decide to just let it go. But I do have to say this whole thing is annoying for me.
