Nishe’ has been in college for about 3 months now. When she went to college my crazy self was thinking okay my job is done she is an adult now I can let her fly. But I have quickly learned that, that is not the case. She is in what I call an in-between stage. She is not quite a child and not quite an adult. She is in the middle. She stills needs guidance and help.
I remember my in between stage except mine was totally different than hers. I was married at 18 and I didn’t go to college. So my in between stage was spent trying to figure out how to be an adult and a wife. Her experience is definitely different than mine. Sometimes I get so frustrated with her for not doing certain things that I would do. Like for instance know to set an orthodontics appointment without me having to tell her. But then I have to remember that I was doing that for her for years so I can’t expect her to suddenly do it all by herself. She is still in school. She still doesn’t know to ask certain questions to like people she owes money to or need help from. I remember the first time I had to call a company and make payment arrangements for a bill. I was so nervous cause I didn’t know what to say. I made it through the conversation but it wasn’t easy. To this day I hate dealing with customer service but it has to be done. There are ways that customer service is getting better (thank god), by using things like middleware platforms and other customer-based software to help with collecting data for better customer response, however, it still makes me nervous to do it! This thing called adulthood takes time to learn. Heck I am still learning. Just when you think you have it all figured out there is something else to learn. So some of the things I am getting angry at her for she just hasn’t learned yet. I need to slow down and remember how hard it was for me to grasps certain things. When they are babies we don’t expect them to walk and talk as soon as they are born so why do we expect them to just suddenly be adults.
Here are a few things to remember while your new adult is dealing with the in between stage:
- They just became adults like 5 seconds ago. Don’t expect them to know everything about being an adult right then there.
- Be patient. Remember it took you time to get used to being on your own as well.
- They still need you. Yes all though they are adults your children still need you. Probably more now than when they were younger.
- Listen. Sometimes they just need you to listen not to point out everything they are doing wrong. Trust me they already know.
- Guidance. Remember they still need your guidance. Yes they have left the nest but they don’t completely understand the world.
- You are still learning too. Remember you are still trying to figure this world out as well. No one has it all figured out.
As I watch her learn what she needs to know I become proud of her to see her figuring things out. I remind myself that her dad and I will always be there for her. Her and her brother are going to be awesome. I know that The Husband and I are giving them the tools that they need and what they don’t know we will help them learn. But I know they are going to take the world by storm.
Sheena Steward says
This was so sweet! I think we sometimes forget what it’s like to be a certain age so we get frustrated at others at that age. I loved this blog post.
We definitely do. It can put a strain on the relationship we have with our children if we don’t remember.
Johnny Wishbonn says
Wow 3 months. She must have been late to start. My kid started in August. I’m definitely learning how to be a parent who can’t tell them what to do several miles away.
When they leave the home we have no choice but to let go. It is not easy at all.
Beautifully written and said. Patience is so key in parenting and giving Grace to ourselves as Mothers. There is no handbook for life. We all figuring this out together.
Patience is just important. We also have to remember even we don’t have it all figured out either.
Mimi Green says
This was a good read. I’m in a similar space with my freshman teenager. We aren’t hands off but we want him to learn to manage school communication with his teachers. I have to realize I didn’t know at his age either. Also we have two different personality types and that plays a part.
Thank you! Yeah it is definitely harder when you have different personalities. My son and I are like that.
I remember being in this stage for myself. I am not looking forward to it with my own daughter.
Yes I have to remind myself of this quite often. It’s something we tend to forget as we get older.
My kid is 23 now and the things you listed still apply because our kids will always need us. I didn’t really have this stage because I moved out at 19 and was pretty independent and my mother was consumed with her own life but I think I did alright.
Yeah I moved out at 18 so my stage was a little different as well. I had to learn things quicker cause I was married. She doesn’t have to so I think that is where I have to be more patient.
Having grown kids, I have learned that these kids will always need you. Even past college. Just when I think they’re independent enough, I get a phone call asking how to do something.
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I am coming to this realization too. I have called on my parents a few times because I need them.
ShaBree Henry says
I agree. College years are definitely an in-between stage. Sometimes that stage extends long into “adulthood”, lol.
Ha ha ha! Yes I know a few people who are still in the in-between stage and they are in their 30’s.
I really enjoyed your post. I need to keep these things in mind as I deal with my stepson. I often expect certain things of him because that is how I used to do them when I was his age.
Yeah it’s easy to forget that they are different from you or they still need to figure some things out.
I remember my in-between phase…as a matter of fact does it ever end??? Its all about growth and patience and as a parent kids will always need their parents no matter what age.
I don’t think it ever ends but you become less into it. I don’t think we will ever not need our parents.
I am dealing with stage with my own daughters. “Be patient. Remember it took you time to get used to being on your own as well.” This my favorite advise that you shared.
Thank you so much! I have to remember this with my daughter so often. I just try to give her pep talks.